Monday, December 21, 2009

Blank Expressions for the Holidays

There are few things that irritate me more than the blank expression of a customer who simply does not understand what you're telling them or looks completely unable to do anything for himself.

Today, we had some woman come to the counter. She was out of her Xanax. We contacted the doctor for refills the day before, but we still didn't get a response. We told her this, and her response was to stare blankly at us without saying a single word. She just stared. She wouldn't move from the counter. Didn't ask what she could do to help. Didn't complain about her doctor's office. She just stared.

I felt like saying to her, "What the fuck do you want us to do?" I bet that would have gotten some response. Or maybe not. Who knows?

I'm a little more sympathetic to the dumb stare when it comes from an elderly person. However, all I can think about when seeing it is if I get that way when I'm old, I want someone to just shoot me.

I'm dead serious. I do not want to be a forgetful, half-retarded old man. I've spent my whole life up to this point having a fairly sharp mind. I can't imagine not being able to grasp simple concepts. I don't want to live a life in which I can't do things for myself. If and when the day comes when my mind deteriorates to that point, I want someone to just put me out of my misery... because I will certainly be miserable at that point.

I look at these people and think that at one time in their lives, they must have been more like me. They must have been young, energetic, and quick-witted. That realization scares me because it just seems inevitable that we all end up that way. That's why I'm doing everything I can now to keep myself healthy and active. If it's in my fate to be just like every other elderly person, then I'm going to fight fate with everything I have.

I simply refuse to be that way.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

A Day Late on the Update but Definitely Worth the Wait

I feel like a teenager when I talk about this stuff, but considering how low I've been the last few years, this is great to write about.

Where to start???

OK... First date. I met her at her place, and we ended up going out for dinner. She likes to eat out just as much as I do. A BIG plus! We had a pleasant dinner, and then stopped at a bar for drinks afterwards. We were out until almost 2 in the morning before returning to her apartment. She made hot chocolate for us, and we just kind of talked and joked around until 3 AM. I had to go home at that point. It was an hour drive back to my place, and I had to be at work at 8 in the morning. I left, but I couldn't get up the nerve to try to kiss her goodnight.

Sounds familiar, right?

I woke up after only 3 hours of sleep and somehow made it to work the next day. A couple hours in, she texted me asking how I was doing and if the drive home was ok the night before. That set us off basically text messaging back and forth all day again, which led to another LONG conversation online at night.

At the end of the conversation, we talked about possibly getting together again the next day (Sunday) to go out to a restaurant we had talked about during our first date. However, she said she wasn't sure if she'd be able to fit it into her schedule.

That planted the seeds of doubt in my head... again.

Maybe she didn't really like me that way. Maybe she only wanted to be friends. What happens if I tell her how I feel, and she doesn't feel the same way? Since she's friends with some of my friends, wouldn't that be awkward?

Thoughts raced around my head all day as I waited to hear whether she was going to meet me tonight or not. Finally, she texted me around 2 asking if I still wanted to go, and of course, I did. It seemed like a casual invitation though. I was actually starting to worry that she might decide to bring a friend with her or something.

After work, I had a mini freak out. I realized it was pretty much now or never. We couldn't keep going on the way we were. We had been staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking for like a week straight. I've never been so short on sleep in my life, and it must have been the same way for her. Either we were going to go somewhere, or it was just going to go away entirely.

So, I did what only Pharmacy Mike would do... I analyzed the shit out of the whole situation. My problem: I wasn't sure if she liked me or not. After putting all the facts together and thinking of things from her perspective, I came to the conclusion that she had to like me. She stayed up until 3 in the morning talking to me one night when she had to work the next day. We had a 3.5 hour phone conversation. Not only did we have our "coffee" date Friday, but she actually canceled what she had planned in order to make more time for me that night. Then, instead of coffee, it ended up being dinner, and instead of just saying goodbye to me when I got to my car, she invited me into her apartment. Even the whole date tonight required her to completely rearrange her schedule and go way out of her way to make time for me.

It became obvious that no sane person would do those things for "just a friend." I thought about how I approach my friends, and how I would never go that far out of my way just to hang out or talk to them. No one would. She had to like me.

In addition, what business did she have not liking me? I'm not the most confident person in the world, but I look at a lot of other guys with girlfriends and think that I'm a better catch than they are. I'm not bad looking. I'm lean and athletic. I'm smart. I have a job that pays me a 6-figure salary. I'm honest and sweet... and nice. Seriously, I'm like nice to the point of sickening sometimes. If she didn't think I was worthy to date, who the hell was she waiting for?

In any case... After all that thinking, I decided I would just go out, enjoy dinner with her, and then just tell her exactly how I felt afterwards as I was saying goodbye to her. And that's exactly what I did. It wasn't the smoothest delivery in the world. I kind of stopped and started and mumbled my way through it, but I got it out. Then I kissed her, and with that huge weight lifted from my shoulders, I was able to talk to her about how that was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done in my life.

I'm seeing her again Saturday. Now, I can truly relax knowing she's in the same place I am.

Wow... that was a long time coming, huh? I feel like this is the culmination of everything I've been through over the past 3 years. Things can still go wrong from here. There's one more hurdle to jump over before I'm 100% in the clear. Right now though, I'm just happy... and relieved.... and proud of myself.

Thanks to all my readers for the advice.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Here's How It All Went

As I said, I got the date. I actually asked her out via text message. I didn't want to do it that way. It wasn't the plan, but it was the only opportunity, so I just went with the flow. I kind of smoothed it in there. We were joking about how I kept her up late talking the last few nights, and how coffee was the only thing keeping her awake at work. She joked that I owe her a cup of coffee, so when I texted her, I basically said let's go get that cup of coffee I owe you. She agreed.

I called her on the phone tonight to kind of figure out the details. We ended up talking for 3 and a half hours. We're going to meet up and go out around where she lives.

This is where I'll mention the one hiccup in this whole thing. She lives over an hour away from me. We both grew up in the same town, but she took a job an hour away. Last month, she moved to an apartment 5 minutes from her work.

She spends enough time back in our hometown where I'm sure the distance won't be that big of a problem. It might get a little annoying driving over an hour each way to see each other. I'm getting WAY ahead of myself here though. I still have to see how the night goes.

By the way... I have to work Saturday morning. I'm driving over an hour to meet up with her at 9:30 at night. I'm assuming that I'll be out to at least 1:00 AM. Then, I won't make it back here until after 2 in the morning, so that I can get up to get ready for work less than 5 hours later. It's going to be a tiring night. I might actually have to start drinking coffee to date this girl.

She must like me, right? All the late night chats, the 3.5 hour phone call tonight, agreeing to go out with me... She must be interested, right?

No matter how things end up turning out, I have to be at least a little happy with myself. I mean, these are big steps. It's probably your average Friday night for a lot of guys, but this is the first date I've been on in almost 2 years. In this situation, I actually took the initiative more than I ever had in the past. I met her in person. I reached out to talk to her after meeting her. After taking a little while to get to know her, I asked her out. I'd say I'm progressing in leaps and bounds compared to where I was just a year ago.

Last December, I wrote a year in review post in which I mentioned that I'd probably look back at 2008 as a major turning point in my life. I also wrote that I wasn't even sure if I was a relationship person at all. How things have changed... If 2008 was the turning point, 2009 was me taking off running after the turn.

Wish me good luck tomorrow night. You can expect an update Saturday night. LOL... My blog has a purpose again.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Update to Follow

It's early, and I have to get to work soon, so I don't have much time. I just wanted to update everyone. I got a tentative coffee date for this Friday. I say tentative because it won't necessarily be coffee. It just kind of fit into the conversation. However, I have a day and a time if not necessarily a particular activity. I'll clarify later.

Thanks to everyone who chimed in with advice. It seems weird to be getting dating advice from strangers on the internet. However, I think a lot of people get all kinds of advice before asking someone out. They just get it from their friends. Since I'm a little shy, and my friends aren't great for doling out dating advice, my blog seems to be a better place for me. Quite honestly, anyone who reads my blog regularly knows more about how my mind works than any of my friends. Ok... That might be a little sad.

By the way... I like how everyone kept saying, "My husband/boyfriend is a nerdy internet guy..." It's funny because I guess I am nerdy in many ways. On the other hand, I did score 20 points in my basketball game this week. I'd like to know how many pharmacy nerds can do that! haha

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

I Need Advice

I mentioned a couple posts ago that I have been talking to a really nice girl. I've now hung out with her on 3 separate occasions. They weren't dates. The last couple of times, she invited me to go out with her and a friend. We had fun both times.

I really like this girl... a lot. We talk often online. The last couple of nights we were up past 1:00 AM talking. I get along with her really well. She's a sweet girl, and we share a lot of interests.

Basically, I want to know what should be my next move? I'm starting to feel like if we keep talking like this without anything more coming out of it, she might get either annoyed or disinterested. I don't want that to happen. I want to ask her out on an actual date. I've been trying to work up the courage for the past 3 weeks. I just don't know how to do it. I don't want to come on too strongly, but at the same time, I know that I have to at least make some kind of move.

I'm not smooth. I'm not the most charming guy in the world. I don't know how to be all cool about things like this. However, I am good at being honest. I was thinking that the next time I talk to her, I should just lay it out there and see what happens. Something like this...

"I'm not smooth, so I don't really know a better way of asking. I just think you're a really nice girl, and I like talking to you a lot. I was hoping we could go out some time for dinner and maybe some drinks."

Something along those lines... It sounded better in my head than it came out on the screen. Some people have told me the best thing is to casually ask her if she'd like to join me going to something I was already supposed to be going to. For example, if I was planning on getting drinks on Saturday, ask if she wanted to come along. That's a good idea, except I don't have stuff like that going on unless someone asks me first. If I haven't hammered this home already, I don't have the most eventful life.

I'm not good at dealing with all this signal reading. I just think it always works best for me to be open and honest. Let her know that I like her. Let her know I'd like to go on a date with her. Just be sincere and honest.

So, I think that's going to be my game plan. The next question is when should I do it? I've spent several hours talking to her online the last couple of days. The day before that, we spent the day text messaging each other back and forth. We've never really talked on the phone, so it feels a little weird just calling her out of the blue to ask her.

Should I though? Would it be best to call her? Should I wait a couple days to give her a little space? We've done a lot of talking recently. I don't want to become annoying. Should I just wait until the next time I get a chance to talk to her online, or would it be better to act quickly?

I want opinions here... preferably female opinions. I'm at the point right now where I'll actually listen to advice from random strangers over the internet. I swear, if a number of people comment telling me to call her now, I'll call her within the next 5 minutes. I don't want to screw this up. I don't want this to be like all those other times when I do nothing and let the girl get away. I like this girl too much.

Advice would be greatly appreciated.