Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Alright.... In my last post I mentioned how I had a really good weekend at work. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I found out that a whole bunch of my friends had gotten together and went out on Saturday night. I couldn't go. I had to work.
You might ask yourself why I would be so upset. Well, the truth is that I haven't had many opportunities to go out since I became a pharmacist. It seems like all the weekends I'm off, nobody wants to do anything. If we do go somewhere, it just ends up being me and a couple other of my friends going out to the local bar and having a couple beers. Not that I have a problem with that. It's just that I prefer, as a single guy, to have some females around. It's not that I'm looking for someone to hook up with. I just like when girls are around. It breaks things up. It opens up different conversation beside the usual guy stuff (sports, reliving college, sports, etc.). Besides, girls look good, smell good, and give me a reason to try to impress someone. I'm not really shy, but I would say that I'm not bold enough to walk up to a girl I've never met and start talking to her. Therefore, in order to spend a nice evening with some females, there would have to be girls one of us already knows there.
That's why when I found out I missed an opportunity to hang out with a big group of people (including some cute and single girls), the realization of how lonely my job makes me hit me again. Whether it be right or wrong, I blame this on my ex. We were together all through college, and during that time, we were attached at the hip. She didn't like me going out with my friends. She didn't like me being in places where I could meet new people. Anything we did, we did with just the 2 of us. We didn't really have mutual friends. Our whole lives were each other. When she broke up with me, she just started law school, so she was in a place where she could meet tons of new people, go to a bunch of parties, go out to the downtown bars, etc. I, on the otherhand, had just started working 40 hours per week in a tiny pharmacy. There's not many opportunities to meet new people in a pharmacy.
Since, I didn't make any new friends in college, and being with her prevented me from socializing with most of my old friends, I now am in a situation where I only have about 3 friends I can call up to go out. One of those friends is in a committed relationship with his girlfriend, and he's basically never available to do anything. Another friend is not really the type you go out with to meet girls. That leaves my one other friend who is coming off of a really hard breakup (he was engaged to a girl who decided less than a year before the wedding that she didn't want to get married any more). This friend is a good guy, but his conversation abilities are limited to sports and Seinfeld. Besides, what fun is it for just 2 guys to go out to a bar or anywhere else???
I actually signed up for eHarmony for a couple months. I went out on a couple dates, but the whole internet dating thing really isn't for me. I went out with one girl who wasn't bad looking (though certainly not a head turner by any stretch of the imagination). Looks aren't really all that important to me in a girl. I mean, I need to find her attractive in some way, but they don't need to be uber hot. A girl's personality is much more important to me, and I can usually tell if we'd be a good fit within the first 10 minutes. The girl I went out with a couple times was alright. We matched their "29 dimension compatibility profile." That match was good on paper, but we just weren't a fit in real life. The real killer (and this sounds very much like something out of Seinfeld) is that she woudn't eat anything with tomatoes. That includes ketchup, tomato sauce, spanish rice that has diced tomatos in it, and really anything that even had contact with a tomato. I'm Italian. I live on tomatoes. I honestly can't picture myself being with someone that can't enjoy a good pizza. I don't think I can live the rest of my life without Italian food.
Before I canceled my eHarmony subscription, someone else contacted me, and we've been emailing back and forth for a couple months now. We still haven't met (she's in graduate school and very busy), but I'm cautiously optomistic about it. She seems like more of a match for me than the other one (and she's quite attractive too). I guess we'll have to see.
In the meantime, I actually look forward to going to work in that stressful pharmacy because at least when I'm there, I'm around other people. On my days off, I sit around and do nothing because quite frankly, there's nothing for me to do. I feel like I have a lot of friends at the pharmacy who I can talk and joke around with. I'm only a year or two older than our interns, and I'm within a couple years of age of most of our techs, so work kind of feels like a place to socialize for me. The only thing is that I think everyone there kind of realizes I have nothing better to do but be at work because I usually stop by once a week on a day off (I live less than 5 minutes away), I come in early, and I stay late often. It makes me feel a little pathetic... and I guess I am a little pathetic.
In any case... I have a few other things on my mind, but I've rambled on long enough. I have another day off tomorrow, which means some more sitting around doing nothing but eating junk food and playing Ninja Gaiden Sigma (awesome game by the way) on my Playstation 3. Maybe I'll go see the Simpsons movie... alone of course. Oh well... I guess I can sit around and count all the money I've saved by not spending it on a girlfriend or going out with friends.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The best part of my day though was when I was out in the aisle helping a customer, and one of the technicians picked up a phone call from a doctor. She actually told the doctor (and I quote), "The pharmacist is busy with a customer now. Can you please call back?"
When I returned to the pharmacy (only a minute later), she told me what she did and felt badly about it because the doctor got pissed that he couldn't speak to a pharmacist right away. I couldn't have been prouder of the tech. Anyone who has ever worked in a pharmacy knows how it is just about completely impossible to get in contact with a doctor when you really need to. The patient could be in convulsions right in front of the pharmacy counter, and the receptionist/medical assistant/nurse at the office will tell you to leave a message for the doctor to return when he gets a chance.
How often do we pharmacists get to turn the tables on doctors? It's certainly never happened to me before. Whenever we get a phone call from the doctor himself, we usually drop everything and run to the phone to make sure the doctor doesn't have to hold too long. We mustn't waste a doctor's time. He's sooooo busy... Yeah. So busy that his office can't be reached from 11:30AM to 1:00PM because they're out to lunch. If being able to take an 1 & 1/2 hour lunch break is busy, then I wish we could be busy like that every day. As it is now, I'm lucky if I can get 15 minutes of break time in an entire 12 hour day. I actually have to schedule when I can take a piss based upon how many people we have waiting in the store.
So when my wonderful technician told the doctor I was too busy to talk to him, I could have kissed her. That's right physicians of the world... Pharmacists have to talk to patients too, and if you expect to be able to interrupt our patient interactions, then I fully expect you to drop whatever you're doing and answer the phone yourself whenever I need to talk to you.
I'm glad we can could come to this understanding....
Friday, July 27, 2007
I stopped in the middle of double counting a narcotic script, and I looked up and saw a disheveled middle-aged guy quickly approaching our counter. "I pulled a muscle and Aleve isn't working. Is there something else that will work better," says the crazy looking man.
A nice easy question, I thought to myself. I started explaining to him that he could try taking ibuprofen, but since they both work in exactly the same way, I wasn't sure if it would work any better than Aleve. While not exactly a nice clear-cut answer, I at least gave him another option he could try. However, I soon found out that the pulled muscle was only about 1/10th of the reason he came to the counter. What he really wanted to do was tell me all about how he was "unfairly" pulled over by 5 police cars at 3:00 AM because he was driving erratically. Not wanting to give him any encouragement to continue, I didn't really ask what exactly he was doing at 3 in the morning, but it must not have been too good considering he had his license suspended for the incident.
Now, I had never seen this guy in my life. I'm pretty sure he had never seen me. Yet, he felt the need to tell me every part of his "unlucky" day ("First I hurt my leg. Then I lose my license.") The man didn't really seem upset about losing his license. I just think he was looking to tell someone about his experience.
I kept trying to steer the conversation back to his leg pain, and I kept suggesting that he either go pick up a bottle of ibuprofen to try or (and I stressed this one) go see his doctor. Finally, after about 10 minutes of rambling about his car, he left the pharmacy counter. I breathed a big sigh of relief and tried to finish counting that narcotic script. Then the tech started laughing at me. Apparently, this guy has been doing stuff like that for years, and she was amused by my first experience with him.
Before I can finish double counting, the man was back with a bottle of Bayer Aspirin. At no time during the previous 10 minute session with him did I ever mention Aspirin, but of course, this is the product he brings back with him. I advised him that he's probably better off with the Aleve and once again, reiterated to him that it would be best to see his doctor (I forgot to mention he was on a whole mess of psych drugs). He then spent another 5 minutes repeating from the beginning the entire story of him having his license suspended.
At this point, all I wanted to do was finish counting that stupid narc script and get on with my day, so I started ignoring him. The only thing I kept saying to him was, "I don't know about all that, but I think you should see your doctor about your leg pain." I must have said it to him 6 or 7 times before he finally decided to leave the counter to put the Aspirin back.
That had to be the end of it. What more could he possibly have had to say? Well.... after returning the Aspirin to the shelf, he spotted his next victim trying to pick out an OTC med from an aisle right in front of the pahrmacy. The lunatic said something to the guy, and the guy laughed and gave him a response just to be polite. That was the worst mistake he could have made. Mr. Crazy told the whole story again to the guy (and being 10 feet away, I had to hear it for a 3rd time!!).
After a good 5 minutes, the crazy guy left him alone. 30 seconds later, I heard him telling the story again to a cashier at one of the registers. The guy picking out an OTC product joked to me, "What kind of stuff are you giving that guy?" I couldn't even give a response.
After all this... I guess my question is, how in the world do you get someone like that to just leave you alone without telling him to fuck off??? I tried every trick I knew. I ignored him. I started repeating the same thing over and over again. I tried to look like I was very busy and didn't have time. He kept right on talking.
Is there ever a time you just say to someone, "Look, I have to get back to work. Please stop talking to me." ???
Other than that, my day went well.
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Perhaps all the antidepressants mixed with xanax is clouding their judgment just a little bit, but if that was the case, why can't some young, hot, crazy chick tell me I'm cute? It's always the way-over-the-hill ones. Actually, I know the answer to that question: There are no hot, young chicks who need any help from a pharmacist. They come in, pick up their prescriptions, and leave without any complications or questions asked.
Maybe I should just go with it though. I'll just wait until some wealthy, well-connected, not entirely unattractive older women tells me I'm cute, and then I'll flirt back. You know... flash a little smile, say something witty all the while solving her insurance problem. That could be my ticket out of this profession.
Nah.... I'd probably be her weekend fling, something to tell her Bridge club about. Oh well... I'll just wait until I'm 40 to get with the 40+ women. Of course, that's only if my admirers aren't 60 at that time.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
...when our warehouse decides not to send drugs that we order. There seems to be no rhyme or reason behind the shorts too. We need Naproxen, so we order a nice 500 count bottle. Order day comes, and no Naproxen. Now, I'm the one stuck telling everyone why we don't have enough to fill their script. I wish that a representative from our warehouse could spend the day at the pharmacy and explain why we have no Naproxen, or Albuterol MDI's, or Fosamax, or Amoxicillin, or any random product.
...when I come into the pharmacy on Monday after one of my coworkers worked the weekend and find a million things that should have been done that weren't. For example, this past Monday, the weekend paperwork was not done, the drug order for our store was not done, nor were supplies (vials, caps, etc.) ordered. This just means that I have to waste my time on a day where we will fill close to 600 scripts doing busy work.
...whe the phone just rings and rings and rings and rings and rings and rings, and NO ONE PICKS THE DAMN THING UP!!!!! I'm there trying to check 1 prescription, while counting another, while answer a technicians question (all at the same time). Meanwhile, the other pharmacist is chatting with a tech about how she loves cashews. And the phone rings and rings and rings, and I just want to scream out (PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE!!!!!!).
... (I especially hate his one) a clerk is unable to find a prescription in the bin, interrupts me while I'm trying to check something or answer a question, and I go over and find the prescription in 2 seconds. Sometimes the prescription is in the wrong bin because our clerks don't understand that the big "B" on the label means it goes in the "B" bin. Sometimes, it's in the right bin, but the clerk (or tech, wouldn't want to leave them out) was looking in the wrong bin the whole time. Other times, it's in the right bin and they were looking for it in the right place, but they didn't see it even after checking 5 times. I'm not sure which scenario pisses me off more.
... when customers bitch about paying a $3.00 copay.
... when one of our clerks (let's call her Tammy) who is dumber than a brick asks me, "The customer wants a refill on her Valtrex. Which one of these on the profile is Valtrex?" ummmm..... THE ONE THAT SAYS VALTREX!?!?!?!?
This is why working at my pharmacy is so damn infuriating. We have employees that can't even look on a customer's profile to see what medication they might be looking for without asking for help from a pharmacist. It leads to this exchange:
Tech: "Have you guys filled anything for Mr. Smith?"
Me: (busy checking scripts or doing other busy pharmacist activities) "I don't know. Did you look in the computer to see if something was done?"
Me: "Why don't you do that first?"
Tech: (after looking in computer) "It says we filled it."
Me: "Ok... what was it?"
Tech: "Oh, umm.... I don't know." (goes back to PC to look up patient again). "Lipitor"
Me: "Yes, that was done. It's in the bin"
Tech: "I didn't see it there."
Me: (walk over to the bin and pull it out in 2 seconds)
Tech: "Hahahahaha... I must be blind... hahahaha"
Me: (in my mind) "I want to gouge your eyes out so that you really would have an excuse for not seeing it in there and wasting my time."
That scenario, and I'm not exagerrating when I say this, happens 10 times per day.
Luckily... starting now, I'm on vacation, so I don't have to care about how much my coworkers fuck up next week. Well, I don't have to worry about it until I get back a week from monday and have to fix all their mistakes.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
Something about the title "doctor" makes one feel all warm inside. I often wonder whether they'd use it with such pride if that Doctor of Pharmacy degree was instead a Master of Pharmacy degree. Think about it, no one goes around calling themselves a Master, but give someone a doctorate, and they'll make sure to stamp "Dr." in front of their name any chance they get.
When it comes down to it, the Doctor of Pharmacy was a completely arbitrary choice. It could have just as easily been a Masters degree. It's not like the work requirement was so great that they had to call anyone who completed it a doctor. In fact, I would venture to say that in moving from the 5-year BS in Pharmacy to the 6-year PharmD program, most universities didn't add content to their curriculum. Instead, they just stretched the existing content over another year, and added a few extra clinical rotations at the end. If anyone really thinks that my schooling better prepared me to be a pharmacist than the schooling of someone that graduated with a BS in pharmacy, then they are completely delusional.
We all know the real reason the doctor of pharmacy was devised. It had nothing to do with pumping out more qualified pharmacists. It was all about the "appearance" of being more qualified. For years, pharmacists have been trying to be recognized as valuable members of the healthcare team. However, pharmacists have never gotten the respect they deserve. Their suggestions are usually ignored or ridiculed by doctors. Nurses in skilled nursing facilities see pharmacists as a nuisance that do nothing but make sure laws are followed (such as med carts being locked any time they're left unattended). The public views the pharmacist as somone who counts pills all day instead of someone with vast medication knowledge.
To illustrate my point... I remember telling a friend of mine that I had decided to go to pharmacy school. He looked at me, laughed, and said (and I quote), "Pharmacy? No one goes to school planning to be a pharmacist." I proceeded to tell him that pharmacy school is 6 years, and when I get out, I'll make $100,000 as a starting salary. He wasn't laughing after that.
Therefore, if the PharmD somehow enables pharmacists to get a little more respect, than I'm all for it. We all know there a million studies that show that pharmacists not only positively effect the health outcomes of patients, but they also save the health system money. My only problem with the PharmD are the new pharmacists who wave around that title as if all non-PharmD pharmacists should be kneeling down to kiss their asses. I have a problem with pharmacists who think they're better than their coworkers because they're a "doctor."
Anyone who's been around a pharmacy long enough has some story of a pharmacist who went back to get their PharmD and now wants everyone to refer to him as "Doctor." This same asshat will no longer help at the register, nor will he take the garbage to the store compactor because those menial tasks are below him. I always feel the need to remind these self-important fucks that there incredible doctorate degree is the fucking ENTRY LEVEL PHARMACY DEGREE!!!! New graduates cannot sit for the NAPLEX without a PharmD.
Christ... I've only been licensed for a year. I should be beaming with pride that I can put PharmD at the end of my name. Know why I'm not???? Because I have some common sense! I don't pretend to have anything over a pharmacist who's been in the profession longer than I have. In pharmacy as in everything else in life, it doesn't matter how much someone teaches you, you don't truly learn it until you're out there practicing it. They can make pharmacy school 20 years. If I'm an employer, I'll still hire the BS in pharmacy with 10 years of on-the-job experience over the newly graduated Doctor of Pharmacy any day of the week.
In conclusion, all of you newly graduated, newly licensed pharmacists out there, just remember one thing... you're not God's gift to pharmacy and healthcare in general. If you want to use your fancy-pants title to advance our profession, then fine. Just don't use that same title to put down your fellow pharmacists because chances are if you're the kind of person that needs to be called "doctor" to feel special, you're the type of pharmacist that doesn't know his ass from his elbow and will end up making us all look stupid.
Friday, July 6, 2007
Yes, I complain, and sometimes I wish that all the problems customers and vicodin addicts would just OD and die. However, I'm the kind of pharmacist you want filling your prescription. I'm a perfectionist. I don't settle for doing less than my best. I will never half-ass anything. I realize the importance of my job, and I especially realize the importance of being accurate. When I make a mistake (it's rare, but it happens to the best of us), I go out of my way to resolve the situation. It genuinely bothers me. I don't care how small or seemingly insignificant that mistake may be. I strive for perfection. I want to get EVERYTHING correct.
This is why I get frustrated by customers who stand 3 feet away from the counter after dropping their prescription off. These people are the kind that divide their time between staring angrily at me and looking at their watch. They get antsy if their prescription isn't ready within 5 minutes. They also have no concern over the long line and the 400+ other prescriptions per day that we have to fill. Having their script filled quickly is the only thing they care about.
Forgive me if I don't share the same sentiment. Personally, I don't really care how long it takes me to fill your prescription, and you shouldn't either. If I tell you that there is a 30 minute wait, it's not because I'm being lazy or slow. It's because I don't believe I can safely and accurately fill your prescription in less than 30 minutes. I don't believe a person should have to wait hours to get a prescription filled. At the same time, if we're extremely busy (and anyone walking into our pharmacy can tell when we're extremely busy), I don't want to be forced to rush a script out in 5 minutes. That's how mistakes happen.
The concern here is for my own license and the patients' safety. My primary job as a pharmacist is to safely and accurately dispense your medication. This entails looking over your prescription profile for drug interactions, potential allergic reactions, drug/disease contraindications, proper dosing, etc. Once I have ensured that the medication is safe for you to take, I must make sure that the prescription is accurately filled. While I'm trying to do this, the phone is constantly ringing (new prescriptions being called in, customers with questions, other pharmacies with transfers, customers with problems, insurace companies calling about past claims...), my technicians and clerks are constantly asking me to help them find something or do something on the computer, and customers are coming to the counter to ask me questions (many of which are along the lines of "Where is the nail polish remover???"). The amount of multitasking required by a pharmacist is incredible.
So when I complain about my job, I'm mostly complaining about the people that waste my precious time and divert my attention from the task of safely and accurately dispensing medication. Every time a doctor doesn't write legibly, every time a secretary calls in a prescription incorrectly, every time you ask me to call your insurance company to question a high price even though I'm 100% sure you hit your yearly maximum, my time is wasted. When too much of my time gets wasted, prescription errors are more likely to happen.
That doesn't mean I don't ever want to talk to patients. If you have a question on your medication, then please, by all means, ask me about it. In fact, ask any pharmacist about it. I went to school 6 years to learn all the little details of your medication. I'll be happy to get a chance to share my clinical expertise. If you want a recommendation on OTC medication (even though I believe most OTCs are shit), I'll come out in the aisle and help you choose something. Just don't ask me where the batteries are because A) I don't know, and B) I don't give a shit.
This brings me back to the main point... While pharmacists like me are the kind that can get frustrated and short with customers more easiliy than others, we're also the ones that are going to give you the best possible care. We care about our job. We take pride in our work, and we expect more out of ourselves than others. If that means we take an extra 5 minutes to fill your prescription, than so be it.
Besides, do you really want your prescription filled in the same manner that McDonald's prepares your hamburgers???
I tell you... It also makes me hate this damn country. We always go around saying "The United States is the greatest country in the world." Well, by what standard are we measuring this???? Our healthcare system ranks 37th in the world. Our infant mortality rate is the absolute lowest of the western world. Our education system sucks. In what way are we the best country???? Oh yeah... we spend trillions of dollars on fighter jets, guns, and missiles. If we really wanted to, we can obliterate every other country from the face of the Earth. We're like a big dumb playground bully. We threaten other countries to do what we tell them to or we'll beat them up (or in our case, bomb the shit out of them).
I know Michael Moore editorializes the hell out of his documentaries. I also know he's notoriously one sided. However, I know from working in the damn health care system that the picture he paints is pretty close to the truth. It's all about denying coverage. You have to go through a freaking song and dance to get them to pay for anything, and even after you perform the whole number, they still tell you to go fuck yourself. There's a part in the movie where he takes a bunch of 9/11 rescue workers, who all developed lung conditions from breathing all the ashes and asbestos, down to Cuba. You know... Castro led, dictatorship Cuba. They just waltzed right into the country, asked for the nearest hospital, went in, and all these people who were denied lab tests, MRIs, and procedures by their insurance companies in the USA, got everything done for FREE there. No questions asked. No worries. No complaints. Everything was done completely FREE. Then, they took a trip down to the pharmacy to buy some medication. One woman got an inhaler in the US for $120 a pop. In Cuba, that same inhaler was 5 cents!!!!!!! This didn't make her the least bit happy. She wasn't happy to get free medical attention and dirt cheap medication. She was pissed that our country... the "Greatest Country in the World" did absolutely nothing to help her all those years. Meanwhile, our enemies in Cuba, give her everything she always needed.
Canada, France, Britain... they all have government-paid healthcare. All their citizens have longer life expectancies, lower infant mortality rates, and less disease than in the US. If anything goes wrong, they can walk into ANY hospital at ANY time and get whatever medical attention their specific illness or situation needs. No money is exchanged. They don't need anything pre-approved. The doctors can treat their patients in any way they see fit. Plus.... the doctors (this example was a general practitioner) get government incentives from having more patients at blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood sugar goals. They get paid more money by having a higher percentage of patients quit smoking. Oh yeah... they also get paid quite well (one GP was making about $200,000 per year, living in a million dollar house, driving an Audi).
All the myths that the assholes in our government keep telling us about national healthcare are untrue. Do you know why we get fed this bullshit? It's because giant corporations like Aetna, Cigna, Anthem, Kaiser Permanente, etc. all stand to lose BIG if the government starts paying for healthcare. In fact, they'll all go out of business.. which would be freaking great!!
The whole thing just pisses me off because I'm a part of it. Just yesterday, I had to deny someone from getting their narcolepsy medication because the insurance company would not cover it without a prior authorization from the doctor. She was raving mad, but there was nothing I could do. The medication was almost $400. I can't just give it away for free. All the goddamn prior authorizations and NDC not covered rejections is what makes my day so damn hard. We spend more time going back and forth with doctors and insurance companies than we do anything else. A couple weeks ago, I had to spend the first 45 minutes of my day going back and forth with the doctors office because the stupid insurance company wouldn't cover the antibiotic eye drop prescribed for some little boy's pink eye. It was a generic product mind you.
That's why I scoff when people say that you shouldn't do things just for the money in this country. Fuck that... everything is about the damn money here. Without money, you have no power at all. Having money is the only way to ensure a comfortable life in this country. Since our government will throw us in the street before it takes care of someone on tough times, we have to save and plan for the worst. I tell you what though... if I ever won the $140 million Powerball, I'd spend every dime of that money trying to bring down the dumb asses in Washinton because they're all corrupt bastards.
Growing up, I was as pro-American as anyone. I strongly believed we lived in the greatest country and that everyone else was just jealous of us. I thought we were the smartest, most hardworking, most innovative people in the world. Then dumbass Bush got elected the first time. This shook my confidence in the American people a little, but it recovered just a bit. However, once that asshole got elected a second time, I then knew what I never wanted to believe. Our whole country is full of ignorant, stupid, pig-headed, morons who can be fooled into believing anything. These slimeballs in office take millions in handouts from big corporations to do their bidding. Then they hide behind their "moral values" pro-life, pro-family, anti-gay shit, which the rednecks of this country just eat up.
Anyone who has the courage to speak the truth and make these idiots look as dumb and corrupt as they really are get portrayed as anti-american and pro-terrorist. Like I always said, Al Gore made Bush look like a stupid little boy in that first debate back in 2000, but all anyone wanted to talk about was how rude Gore was by sighing at all of Bush's retarded answers, and how he wasn't being nice to poor Georgey. Then in 2004, despite our economy going to shit and us being in a war that had no end and no real purpose whatsoever except to get our hands on some Iraqi oil, that same dipshit got elected again. I would have voted Screech from Saved by the Bell over Bush at that point because anyone would have been better. Yet, John Kerry's "flip-flopping" was totally unacceptable.
Perhaps, that's when things started changing in my life. Perhaps, that's why I got so damn bitter. Perhaps, that's why I still am so damn bitter. I finally opened my eyes, saw our country for the corrupt piece of crap that it was, and it destroyed whatever optomism I had left in me. The worst part of it is that it cannot change. I can lobby and fight and hold meetings all I want, but nothing I can ever do could change the system. The corporations have all the money. They are the ones able to grease political pockets. Without billions of dollars you don't stand a chance. That's why there's nothing I can do but play the system and get whatever money I can, even if it makes me feel like I'm selling my soul doing so.