I feel like a teenager when I talk about this stuff, but considering how low I've been the last few years, this is great to write about.
Where to start???
OK... First date. I met her at her place, and we ended up going out for dinner. She likes to eat out just as much as I do. A BIG plus! We had a pleasant dinner, and then stopped at a bar for drinks afterwards. We were out until almost 2 in the morning before returning to her apartment. She made hot chocolate for us, and we just kind of talked and joked around until 3 AM. I had to go home at that point. It was an hour drive back to my place, and I had to be at work at 8 in the morning. I left, but I couldn't get up the nerve to try to kiss her goodnight.
Sounds familiar, right?
I woke up after only 3 hours of sleep and somehow made it to work the next day. A couple hours in, she texted me asking how I was doing and if the drive home was ok the night before. That set us off basically text messaging back and forth all day again, which led to another LONG conversation online at night.
At the end of the conversation, we talked about possibly getting together again the next day (Sunday) to go out to a restaurant we had talked about during our first date. However, she said she wasn't sure if she'd be able to fit it into her schedule.
That planted the seeds of doubt in my head... again.
Maybe she didn't really like me that way. Maybe she only wanted to be friends. What happens if I tell her how I feel, and she doesn't feel the same way? Since she's friends with some of my friends, wouldn't that be awkward?
Thoughts raced around my head all day as I waited to hear whether she was going to meet me tonight or not. Finally, she texted me around 2 asking if I still wanted to go, and of course, I did. It seemed like a casual invitation though. I was actually starting to worry that she might decide to bring a friend with her or something.
After work, I had a mini freak out. I realized it was pretty much now or never. We couldn't keep going on the way we were. We had been staying up until the wee hours of the morning talking for like a week straight. I've never been so short on sleep in my life, and it must have been the same way for her. Either we were going to go somewhere, or it was just going to go away entirely.
So, I did what only Pharmacy Mike would do... I analyzed the shit out of the whole situation. My problem: I wasn't sure if she liked me or not. After putting all the facts together and thinking of things from her perspective, I came to the conclusion that she had to like me. She stayed up until 3 in the morning talking to me one night when she had to work the next day. We had a 3.5 hour phone conversation. Not only did we have our "coffee" date Friday, but she actually canceled what she had planned in order to make more time for me that night. Then, instead of coffee, it ended up being dinner, and instead of just saying goodbye to me when I got to my car, she invited me into her apartment. Even the whole date tonight required her to completely rearrange her schedule and go way out of her way to make time for me.
It became obvious that no sane person would do those things for "just a friend." I thought about how I approach my friends, and how I would never go that far out of my way just to hang out or talk to them. No one would. She had to like me.
In addition, what business did she have not liking me? I'm not the most confident person in the world, but I look at a lot of other guys with girlfriends and think that I'm a better catch than they are. I'm not bad looking. I'm lean and athletic. I'm smart. I have a job that pays me a 6-figure salary. I'm honest and sweet... and nice. Seriously, I'm like nice to the point of sickening sometimes. If she didn't think I was worthy to date, who the hell was she waiting for?
In any case... After all that thinking, I decided I would just go out, enjoy dinner with her, and then just tell her exactly how I felt afterwards as I was saying goodbye to her. And that's exactly what I did. It wasn't the smoothest delivery in the world. I kind of stopped and started and mumbled my way through it, but I got it out. Then I kissed her, and with that huge weight lifted from my shoulders, I was able to talk to her about how that was probably the most nerve-wracking thing I've ever done in my life.
I'm seeing her again Saturday. Now, I can truly relax knowing she's in the same place I am.
Wow... that was a long time coming, huh? I feel like this is the culmination of everything I've been through over the past 3 years. Things can still go wrong from here. There's one more hurdle to jump over before I'm 100% in the clear. Right now though, I'm just happy... and relieved.... and proud of myself.
Thanks to all my readers for the advice.