Saturday, January 26, 2008

I need to grow a pair...

I got some pharmacy stuff and some love-life stuff to share this time....

Tonight was my 3rd date with eHarmony girl(From here on out, I'm going to refer to her as Jen because eHarmony Girl takes too long to write). It was another enjoyable evening. We did dinner and a movie again (we saw Untraceable... interesting premise, but the ending was kind of stupid). Afterwards, we went back to her condo, played with her dog, and just talked for 3 hours. Lots of talking. Interesting conversation. However, that's all it was. When it started to get late, I got going, and all I could muster up the courage to give her was a slightly longer than usual hug.

Man, I'm a wuus. 3 dates, and I haven't even made an attempt to kiss her yet. I was kind of looking for the opportunity tonight, but I never saw it. I figured a kiss goodbye might be my best chance, but even then, I wasn't sure if she wanted me to.

I can read people pretty well usually. I usually know what a person wants to hear, and I usually know the kind of reaction I'll get before I say something. However, I can't read when a girl wants that kiss. I know... I sound like a freaking 12 year old. How could a guy make it to 25, have a nearly 6-year relationship with a girl, and still freak out over a first kiss? It boggles my mind.

I think back to how that first kiss happened with my ex, and I realize that it was pretty much all her doing. We were sitting on her couch, and the next thing I know, she leaned up against me so that we were basically cuddling on the couch. Then, when I told her I had to leave, she said, "How about a kiss goodbye," and she kissed me. After that first kiss, the ice had been broken, and the next time I saw her, I had no hesitation to kiss her.

With Jen, I can't seem to get that icebreaker, and it's because I'm afraid of being rejected. I keep wondering if she considers me as just a friend, which I'm not really looking to be, even though she is a very nice girl who I probably could be really great friends with. I guess I'm just not that take-control guy. I need her to basically come out and say, "Kiss me dammnit!" I also wonder if she's actually thinking that. Maybe she's sitting at home now calling her friends saying, "What is this guy waiting for???"

I think she likes me. She keeps seeing me. That has to be a good sign. I can't imagine she's just looking for a friend. That's the one thing I don't understand about eHarmony and other dating websites. I know why I need to go on eHarmony to get a date. I'm shy, nervous, not all that smooth around women, and I tend to make a bad first impression in person. However, I have no idea why SHE needs to be on eHarmony. She's a pretty, successful, nice, and an all-around normal girl. She could get a ton of guys elsewhere. Why does she choose online dating?

I know a couple things that could provide clues. She said this was her first Christmas at her condo (which she bought 3 years ago) where she didn't have a guy around. To me, that sounds like she had been in a pretty serious relationship and was living with some guy for quite some time before they broke up. Secondly, she mentioned that 2007 wasn't a great year for her personal life, which I take to mean the breakup with her boyfriend happened in 2007 sometime.

Granted, I don't know for certain if this is the case, but I think there's a enough evidence to support the claim. If so, she might be in a similar social situation to me. We both had a big, recent breakup of a longterm relationship. She may be hesitant to get into a another relationship for the same reasons I am (maybe not quite over her ex, afraid of getting hurt again, a little untrusting of the opposite sex, etc.). If this was true, it would be understandable that she'd want to take things slowly. If it isn't true, my indecisiveness could be putting me square in the "friend zone."

I don't know how or when, but hopefully soon, I think I'm just going to point blank tell her that I like her a lot and see what happens. Taking action isn't one of my strenths. However, I'm very very good at talking things through and being honest. Therefore, I think I'm just going to stick to my strengths and just tell her how I feel, and see if she reciprocates those feelings. That way, she'll know for certain that I'm interested in her, and I'll find out if she's interested in me. That would probably be all the icebreaker I'd need to get things going.

And now for the pharmacy stuff...

In the past couple of weeks, I've made a bunch of little old lady friends because I'm such a "nice, young pharmacist." One lady, who I just know is going to end up being a major pain the ass, will only deal with me. In fact, I think I'm the only thing keeping her at our pharmacy. She tried a couple of other pharmacies, and "they were terrible," so she asked me if we were any good. I assured her that we do a good job, so she emptied out her bag containing about 10 different prescription bottles from a variety of pharmacies all over the front counter. She wanted all her prescriptions transfered to our pharmacy, and bless my heart, I took care of them all for her. Then, she proceeded to complain about her copay, and since then, every time I see her, she has something to complain about. It's weird though, because she does it in a friendly way. Here this lady is blatantly insulting one of the other pharmacists on staff as she tells me how rudely she was treated by her, but she's doing it with a friendly smile and a soothing tone of voice. Weird.

In any case, I was starting to think that it would be best if this woman would just take her business elsewhere, so we wouldn't have to put up with her complaining anymore. Then, out of the blue, she called me (and recognized my voice on the phone) and asked if I could help her identify some tablets. She gave me a pretty poor description over the phone, so I told her it would be best if she brought them in, so I could see them. She agreed and asked "When do you take your lunch break?"

I responded jokingly (sort of), "I'm a pharmacist. I don't get a lunch break."

Her answer to that almost made me laugh out loud. "Oh... Well maybe I should bring in a roast beef sandwich for you."

I couldn't help but chuckle, and I assured her it wouldn't be necessary. I have to admit though, I did appreciate the sentiment. It made me think that even the biggest pain in the ass customers can surprise you sometimes.

It's those random acts of kindness that make me act nice to everyone even if they don't particularly deserve it. You just never know when they're going to surprise you with a kind guesture.


jmerph said...

I was once a 27yo, successful, single lady pharmacist on eHarmony. Some women are just sick of the crap they meet at local bars, and such, so they are on eharmony. EHarmony is no joke! My eHarmony guy and I are now married with a baby on the way! Good luck to you!

Anonymous said...

I take care of old - ladies (& old men) for a living & most of them are exactly like the little lady your describing. Point blank she's prob. very lonely & your a sympathetic ear for her to vent to. She prob. appreciates it very much.
About your lady problems.. I think your unable to read this woman because you like her so much & because you have a low self-esteem. You seem to know your a great guy with a lot to offer but that you don't really beleive it. The reason she's prob. using a dating website is that it's hard to meet people in this busy world & if you don't like hanging out at bars etc. it can be really hard to meet anyone with a compatible personality & maybe she's just as shy as you but hides it better. Sorry I know this is long. I really enjoy your blog & wish you much happiness.

Anonymous said...

I find the saying "people treat you like you treat them" so true. It's very hard to be rude to someone who is always nice to you. It's just basic psychology. That's why they say when people are rude or yell at you, just to smile and be nice back to them aka "Kill them with kindness"

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
C B said...

Mike, you gotta go for that kiss man. You gotta be the one to take the action. She expect you to. It's evolutionary. Go for it so she doesn't think that YOUR the one who wants to be friends! Best of luck my friend, Chris.

Gail said...

When I did e-harmony way back when, I was 29 years old, successful, at least somewhat attractive, just out of a relationship. Oh, and totally shy, although I never come across that way. I freeze up when guys try to pick me up, if I even notice they are trying in the first place.

If you email the eharmony girl, I'd write her an email and say "Hey, I was tempted to kiss you last night". See what she says.

Anonymous said...

Next time you are hugging good by just ask her if you can kiss her! Every woman I have ever asked have said yes and there is that glow of wow he really respects me, which is why you ask. So just ask.

krockpd said...

I agree with Chris (I am a girl- so from Miss E-Harmony's perspective)- JUST DO IT! I know that if I liked a guy enough to go out with him on several dates, I would wonder why he had NOT kissed me yet! I would assume that HE just wanted to be friends. DO IT. What's the worst thing that could happen? The world as we know it won't come to an end, and you will know exactly where you stand with her, and therefore, where to take it from there!
Good luck!