Friday, May 16, 2008

Finally Closing the Door on the Past

I hung out with my ex-girlfriend tonight. It was the first time I saw her since February 2007. Out of the blue, she called me and said she and her roommate (she lives with the same girl she lived with in college) were heading out to a local bar, and she wanted to know if I wanted to hang out. Of course, I said sure and got pretty excited about it. I walked out of the door to my apartment feeling good, and since I got my haircut a few days ago, I was looking pretty good too (if I do say so myself). I didn't know what to expect, but I really wanted to see her and talk to her.

I walked into the bar and spotted her sitting down, and she looked better than ever. She's really grown up and matured (looks-wise) over the last couple of years. I always found her attractive in a cute, innocent sort of way, but now she's pretty damn hot. Unfortunately, her looks are about the only thing about her that have gotten better.

After hanging out and talking to her and her roommate for a couple hours tonight, I can officially say that I'm over her. To put it as simply as possible, she's just not the same person she was when we were together. When we first started going out, she was unique. She didn't do the same things as everyone else. She wasn't concerned with going out and partying. She was one of those dreamers. You know those people that want to go out and change the world? She was like that. She did a ton of volunteer work. She promoted cultural diversity. She got a long with people from all different walks of life. She was so cute and innocent in her aspirations that she inspired me to be a better person.

Now, she's become the same as every body else. I sat and listened to her and her roommate talk about all these parties and how drunk everyone was. They talked of wild nights and crazy trips, and the whole time I just kept asking myself, "what the hell happened to her?" I suppose some people would say that she finally came completely out of her shell and started to have fun. I think it's more along the lines of going backwards in maturity. When we were together, she knew what was truly important and didn't get all caught up in the stupid shit that "cool" people did. Now, she's a part of that crowd that I've always hated. She's part of that glitz and glam, Sex In The City lifestyle that I think is pure bullshit.

Three years ago, two people couldn't possibly have been closer than we were. It wasn't that we were very similar. We just complimented each other and got a long so well. Now, I couldn't even come up with things to talk to her about. She sold out on the values that she used to have and is now caught up in drinking, partying, and casual flings. That sincerity and innocence that I loved has been completely replaced by this need to fit into a crowd. I've wasted 2 freaking years pining over the one that got away, but if she came begging at my door, I wouldn't get back together with her now. The girl that I love is nothing more than a memory. She no longer exists.

Say what you want about me and my whiny, complainy ways, but there is no denying that I never tried to change who I am. I've had many opportunities to join the "in-crowd." I've had many opportunities to date a variety of women. Even with eHarmony girl, who turned out to be a lot like my ex is now, I could have, at the very least, had a casual fling with her. That's not me though. I don't have casual relationships (be it friends or women). There's no such thing as meaningless sex to me. In addition, I don't think going to parties and being sloppy drunk is something to brag about.

Know what I value? Honesty. Sincerity. Hard work. Intelligence. Integrity. When I make a promise, I keep it. I value people who don't feel the need to constantly impress others. I value consistency.

I certainly don't value the same things my ex now does, and for that reason, I can say the past is finally behind me. I'll probably never find a woman that matches what I'm looking for. However, I know that I won't settle for anything less. I won't change myself just for the sake of finding a girl.

By the way...

I figured out who's the guy my ex is currently dating. She didn't overtly say it, but I pieced it together from things she said to her roommate. I was right. It is someone I know. I met him before. He lived in the same apartment building as her when we were going out. I knew right from the start that he was trying to move in on my girl. He'd always be stopping over to say hi or walking with her to school. I never liked the kid (and it wasn't only because I thought he was after my girlfriend). I'm quite content in that he's actually a pretty significant downgrade from me. He'll run away the second things get a little bumpy, I guarantee that. That's the life she chose for herself though.

I'm just so glad to be done with her.


Anonymous said...

excellent post-great insight. sad how some people need to join the "in crowd" before they grow up enough to get their own life.

Anonymous said...

good for you for finally moving on.

Manu said...

Don't you hate guys like him? He's trying to act friendly to her, but you know what his real intentions are. Makes me want to punch him.

The Celtics just lost. Are they ever gonna win a road game? Even though I'm a hugantic Spurs fan, the finals may end up Lakers v Pistons. I want it to be Spurs v Celtics, though.

Lucky D-Girl. said...

This made me smile.

I'm glad that you figured it all out. It's about fucking time.