Thursday, July 17, 2008

You can't make this stuff up

A man walks up to the pharmacy counter:

Man: Did someone just call me?

Me: (Looking around to see if someone knew something about it) I don't think so.

Man: Yes, someone just called me a few minutes ago about a prescription.

Me: We were all here a few minutes ago, and no one called you.

Man: (getting a little irritated) It was just a few minutes ago.

Me: Are you sure it was THIS pharmacy?

Man: I got a call from Big Chain Drug Store just a couple minutes ago about my prescription.

Me: Sir... We're not Big Chain Drug Store. We're Grocery Store Pharmacy.

Man: Oh, OK.... (and he walks away)

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Just after Xenical appeared over the counter as Alli, we received a lot of questions regarding it's effectiveness and side effects. The following one had to be the funniest of all of the customer interactions I came across.

We were just getting ready to close for the night when a mid-30's, just slightly overweight woman came to the counter inquiring about Alli. She asked the typical questions about its effectiveness and side effects, and I responded as honestly as I could. I told her that it's only recommended for people over a certain weight related to their height. I also warned her about how the drug can cause loose, oily stools and sometimes even explosive diarrhea depending on how poor the person's diet is.

She had a job that wasn't conducive to her running to the bathroom at a moment's notice, so she was concerned over the possibility of soiling heself. However, instead of opting against taking the drug, she asked if I thought it would be a good idea for her to wear adult diapers while taking it.

Honestly, I don't remember if I said it was a good idea or not. I think I chuckled at the idea of her having to wear diapers just to lose a couple pounds. Then, I'm pretty sure I told her that if she was dead set on taking it and didn't have easy access to a bathroom, the diapers might not be a bad idea, at least until she learned how her body would react to the drug. I remind you that we were just about to close, but she really wanted Alli that night, but she wasn't going to get it without getting diapers. Therefore, she made me stay open for a few extra minutes as she literally ran down the aisle to get herself some diapers.

Sadly, the woman never reported back to me to let me know if she shit herself or not, but it makes me a little happier to think that she did...

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A few weeks ago, an elderly woman approached the pharmacy counter holding 2 different bottles of KY jelly. You knew right away that this was not going to be a comfortable customer encounter.

The woman spoke softly to one of our clerks (who happens to be close to 70 herself). A moment later, the clerk came back to the pharmacy bench holding both bottles of KY Jelly and relayed the woman's question to myself and the other pharmacist on duty.

"She said that her dog's penis gets too big and it won't go back in, so she took him to the vet, and the vet told her to put some KY Jelly on it to help it go back in. She wants to know which one of these would be better."

The first thing I did was loudly exclaim, "How the hell should I know????" Then, I just completely lost it bursting out laughing. The other pharmacist, actually did her best to answer the woman's question professionally, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to duck out of view behind the pharmacy bench to get the laughter out of me.

I felt bad because I'm sure the woman was embarrassed to even ask that question, and I'm sure my outburst didn't put her at ease. It was just so fucking funny though. Really... Why on earth would she think I'd have the answer to that??? Maybe I just missed the class, but to my knowledge, pharmacy school never taught me about lubing up dog penis.

I've been working in a retail pharmacy for over 4 years now (which granted isn't an incredibly long time), and that has to be the weirdest question I've ever heard.

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Amazingly (at least pharmacy schools would have you think so), no one has ever asked me how to properly inject themselves with insuiin, but I have been asked what's the best way to lube up a dog's dick.

No amount of pharmacy schooling will ever prepare you to answer questions like that.... and those are closer to the norm than anything you ever learned in patient counseling class.

5 comments:

Shalom said...

Re: your first anecdote: When I worked for $CHAIN[1], I had one Alzheimers patient who was always calling in for refills on scripts that she'd had filled at $CHAIN[2]. I'm sure she called them with my numbers as well...

Same store, one woman was ringing up a whole wagonload of stuff at the counter, and each item she argued over the price. Finally she pulls out a circular and waves it in the cashier's face, "You see, all the prices are right here!" Cashier points to the logo at the top of the circular. "What's that say?" "R*te A*d." Cashier points to the HUGE logo painted on the wall. "And what's that say?" "Uhh, D**ne R**de?" "THANK you." Woman left her whole wagon and walked out of the store, poor stockers had to reshelve all of it.

pharmacykid said...

"She said that her dog's penis gets too big . . ."

I read that part of the sentence and imagined what I thought she was going to reveal. Let me just say it wasn't pretty.

Jaded Rx Intern said...

I once had a question from an elderly woman regarding her husband's bowel movements (or lack of), and asked what to used. I mentioned options, and once I said enema, she asked, "How do you use an enema - do you drink it??" *Somehow* I retained my professionalism and explained the process over the phone. The call ended, and I bust out laughing. The pharmacist asks what just happened. I told him, and he replied with, "I've never heard that one before," which is amazing as he has practiced for 40+ years.

And to top it off, another (female) pharmacist gets all the 'penis' questions. The best one: this guy used a penis pump for 20 minutes and some white gunk came out, and he asked what it was.

Sometimes the stories are just too stupid to make up...

The Ole' Apothecary said...

Could be a whole new veterinary market: K-Woof Jelly. Dog sex shops. Bite me!

Anonymous said...

Wrong store chain: Had it happen to me before. Never had a patient get wild on me though.

I have had a patient come to our store with one of those gift card coupons that they can use with a new prescription. Get this - it was for a competitor's store. We accepted it anyway.

My biggest concern - prescriptions for patients are called in to the wrong store of our drug store chain. I live in the city. Some stores are within a mile of each other. I'm sure it happens from time to time.

Dog KY Jelly: To be honest, I would have picked the cheapest tube of plain KY Jelly. If it is for an animal, go with the simplest item you can.

-- Retail Pharmacy Intern