Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Possibly a good sign?

In recent weeks, my ex-girlfriend has made a few attempts at patching up our friendship. Notice I said friendship and not relationship. See... even before we started dating, we were good friends. We became best friends while dating and remained that way for an entire year after we broke up.

We've talked a few times recently, and we still have that good chemistry that we always did. No matter what she or anyone else says, we still have a connection and probably always will. We understand each other better than anyone else, so we're able to talk for hours about just about anything.

Now here's what I think is the positive sign in all this... I really don't have much of a desire to be friends with her.

The hardest thing I ever did in my life was to stop depending on her as a friend and to unlink my life from her's. I'm not joking when I say that it nearly killed me. I was lost. I had no idea what to do. I felt hurt and lonely beyond all comprehension. I begged and pleaded to keep her in my life in one form or another because after all our time together, I just couldn't imagine my life without her.

For a long time, I would take any contact with her as a sign of hope. I would use it as an excuse to continue to hold onto what we once had. Now... she's telling me to call her if I ever wanted to get something to eat with her sometime. 3 months ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity. Now, I couldn't care less.

I don't need her as a friend, and I don't need her in my life at all. I've gone nearly a year without her friendship. It was tough (especially because I had few friends other than her), but I'm still living. Sometimes, I'm not that happy. Sometimes, I reminisce about days gone by. However, I'm pretty sure I've reached the point where I can move on and accept the possibility of a future relationship and future love. If I never saw or heard from my ex-girlfriend again, I'd be OK with it.

I've met a girl on eHarmony that I actually like. We haven't met in person yet, but I've talked to her several times. We get along well, and as long as I don't screw up on our first date, I really think there's potential here. I'm taking things very very slow at the moment, but I'm optomistic.

It's a little weird because it's the first time in pretty much 8 years that I've even considered the possibility of liking someone else. Even if this doesn't work out. Even if the whole thing crashes and burns on the first date, at least I've shown myself that I won't be stuck on my ex for the rest of my life.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Good luck with the new girl!!