So, I just got back from going to the bar with a bunch of friends. After 3 beers, 2 Long Island Ice Teas, 2 strong Jack and Cokes, and an Alabama Slammer, I can safely say I'm a little drunk. I don't get drunk very often, and when I do, my personality doesn't really change at all. I just get stomach sick and less coordinated. Perhaps, I loosen up a little bit, but not enough to do something out of character.
In any case... While I was there, this really cute girl was sitting with a couple friends in a booth no more than 10 feet away from our table. She had a really pretty smile, nice hair, nice eyes, and just very pleasing to the eyes overall. She kept looking over at our table and specifically looking at me. I knew she was looking at me. She knew I was looking at her. She was just sitting there waiting for me to go over and talk to her. Her and her friends sipped their last drink for like an hour just waiting.
Did I ever go over? No, of course not. Why? Because I have no balls. Now, I know that a bar isn't the greatest place to meet women, but I'm pretty sure just by the way this girl presented herself that she wasn't some slutty girl just looking to hook up with someone. She seemed genuinely nice... at least from what I could discern by looking at her. Even if I was wrong, what harm could have come from just going over, talking to her, buying her a drink, maybe asking if she wanted to dance? I had nothing to lose. Hell, I would have probably been the best guy she could have met in that entire bar, at least from the point of view of respectability.
In a nutshell, that's why I sit home alone on weekends instead of having a girl to go out with. I'm too afraid to make that first move, even though I know exactly the right things to say and the right way to act. The girl tonight was so pretty and had such a sweet smile. Even one of my friends was telling me that she looked like she wanted someone to go over and talk to her. We were making eye contact with each other all night. All those things weren't enough for me, so instead of getting to know some pretty girl, I spent the night getting drunk with a bunch of guys.
I've been truly single for a little less than a year now. I say "truly single" because for the whole year after my ex and I broke up, I thought we would get back together, so I didn't even consider dating anyone else. So, in that 10 or 11 months, I've had exactly 3 dates, none of which were with girls I was even remotely interested in. It's perplexing that I, a decent looking, smart, caring guy with a well-paying job, hardly have any attention from the opposite sex. I keep telling myself that all I have to do is put myself back in the dating pool, and I'll, at the very least, be able to get some dates.
Once again though, it's a friday night, and I'm home alone, and other than that pretty girl from the bar, the only thing I can think of is how I wish I was still with my ex. Drug Monkey told me once that someday I'll just wake up and not care if she's dead or alive, and it will be the greatest feeling in the world. It's been almost a year, and I'm still waiting for that day. I hope it comes soon so the next time I'm at the bar and some pretty girl with pretty eyes and a pretty smile is looking at me, I'll have the cajones to say something to her.