Sunday, January 10, 2010

Because Someone Asked...

Someone asked for a "girlfriend update," so I guess you'll have to endure one...

Yes, she is officially my girlfriend. Overall, things are going quite well. There are a few little things that have been bugging me a little bit though.

First, the distance, while not being an insurmountable obstacle, is a bit of an issue for me. I don't mind driving an hour to see her. I've driven to her place after getting out of work, and I've driven back from her place late at night when I had to work the next morning. I'm not concerned with not getting enough sleep because I can always make up sleep. I just don't like the feeling that we have to plan out every time we want to do something.

It's hard to be spontaneous when we're so far apart. For example, I can't just rent a movie after getting out of work and have a nice relaxing evening with her. In fact, seeing each other during the week is very hard. If I get a day off where I don't have to work super early the next day, I'll make the trip up there. Otherwise, we're confined to just weekends... and our weekends together have been great! I have absolutely no complaints about the time we spend together. She's great. The time we spend apart is another story.

Maybe I lack the experience of how to handle new relationships, but I find myself struggling when she's not here. I hate to compare relationships, but it's my only frame of reference. With my ex, we never spent a lot of time apart. From the time we started dating until the very end, we were pretty much inseparable. There were very few days where we didn't see each other. Not only did we see each other, but we spent most of our time together.

I guess that's the only way I know how to be in a relationship, so when we spend 5 or 6 days without seeing each other, the seeds of doubt start springing up in my head again. I talk to her on the phone everyday day, but I feel like our phone conversations aren't that great. It has nothing to do with us not getting along. We just live entirely separate lives during the week. Our jobs are entirely different. I don't really understand what she does, and she doesn't have a good grasp of what I do. We have a couple mutual friends, but otherwise, we don't know the same people. She talks about her friends, but since I've never met most of them, I can't participate in the conversation as much as I would like.

Basically, we don't have much to talk about. It really hurts that neither of us watch much TV. She doesn't even have cable in her apartment, and I haven't actually watched TV in weeks, so neither of us are that up to date on current events. If we can't talk about work that much, and we can't talk about current events, and we've already gotten past the getting-to-know-each-other phase, what else is there to talk about?

I don't know... I feel like when we're together, there's major fireworks, but when we're apart, that spark just isn't there. It's probably just a new relationship thing. This is probably the way people normally feel after only a month of dating. As we have more common experiences and get more comfortable with each other, the connection will probably become much stronger. After all, two people never start out deeply in love. That kind of bond takes time to form.

For now, I'm going to try not to think too much about it and just go with the flow. All I know is that she's a great girl, and I love the time we spend together. I just need to be patient.


oddharmonic said...

Why not talk about things that you find mutually interesting? I rarely talk about current events with my husband (one morning he got so wound up listening to something on the radio I keep on for background noise that he started yelling "LIES!" at the radio) but we talk a fair amount about woodworking and markup languages.

Wow, that sounds really weird, but we'll have been together six years this spring.

The Redheaded Pharmacist said...

I think you've given yourself great advice in the last paragraph of this post. Just take your time and relax. You're excited about a new relationship but that can also make you over analyze every little detail.

I'm no expert by any stretch of the imagination but it seems to me if it was meant to be and the two of you are happy together you will both make time for each other and find a way to make it work. Just relax and have fun and consider yourself lucky that you found her at all. We should all be so lucky.

Anonymous said...

My two cents...I think not spending everyday together is actually a GOOD thing. My ex boyfriend and I were pretty much like you and your ex, spent every single day together for about 5 years. It gets boring and monotonous. Spending time apart and and still pursuing your own interests will keep the initial "spark" there longer, and eventually will give you even more to talk about. It's nice to be able to enjoy your alone time but still have someone there to care about who cares about you. Good luck :)

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to hear about planning a vacation or some 'dedicated' time together.

Patience--a virtue, not all that easy to come up with. But, at least it's a tangible concept!

Good luck! Discovering the foibles and intricacies of another person is only part of the merging of two minds.

pharmacy chick said...

Mike, you are the master of the "overthink". Follow your own advice and just go with the flow. Quit stressing on the time you are apart during the week and just relish the time you are together. And while you are at it....if you are looking for someting to talk about ....why not learn about what SHE does and share about what YOU do. That alone is a lot of talk fodder!