One of our regular customers called up looking for a refill on her Vicodin. Let me give you a little background on this woman. She's been getting a month's worth of Vicodin every single month for as long as I've worked at the store. It's the same deal with her husband, except he gets Vicodin ES every single month. She always comes to the counter with a big smile and very conversational. For the first few times you meet her, you think she's one of the nice customers. However, every once in a while she'd leave a little clue that she was completely full of shit.
This just happened to be one of those times. She was about 10 days too early to get her Vicodin refilled. I told her I couldn't fill it due to it being too early, and of course, she tells me that she's leaving for vacation early the next morning and would run out before getting back.
Those wonderful words start a long process of getting an early refill approved for her. I called the doctor's office. As always, they didn't care if she was asking to have a whole year's worth filled at one time. Next, I called the insurance company to see if they would approve the early fill. Well, they only sort of approved it. Her plan had some kind of plan limit where no matter what, she could only get a certain number of tablets within a certain number of days. Therefore, instead of getting her usual 90, she'd have to settle for 75 this time.
I informed her of the plan limit only to have her respond with, "can I pay cash for the other 15 tablets?"
If the stink of bullshit wasn't strong enough before, that question made it unbearable. I told her that she had more than enough tablets to get her through her vacation considering she still had 10 days left from her last fill, and now was getting another 25 days worth. I would not allow her to pay cash for the rest of it. Of course, she argued with me for a few minutes, but after realizing she wasn't going to get anywhere, she hung up the phone.
About an hour later, she showed up at the pharmacy to pick up her Vicodin. One of our techs waited on her. She was lively and conversational as always. I was busy behind the counter filling prescriptions, but I could hear every word she was saying. After she paid for the prescription, right before walking away from the counter, she mentioned that she was going away to the technician. The tech inquired, "Oh, that's nice. How long are you going?"
"Just for the weekend." Then she said bye and walked away.
Let's recap that. She had 10 days of Vicodin left before calling in this refill. Then upon filling a 25 day supply for her early, she bitched about not being able to get the other 5 days due to her insurance's plan limit. This gave her a 35 day supply of Vicodin.... SO SHE COULD GO AWAY FOR 2 FUCKING DAYS!!!
These are the kind of people that I wish would just die. Seriously, it would have made my day if she got hit by a bus and died in a fiery crash on her way home. I have no concern for people like that. I think they deserve whatever misfortune they get. To me, she's the scum of the earth.
Therefore, outside of hoping that she dies a painful death due to acetaminophen induced liver toxicity (which I'm sure won't happen because it's never the fucking lying Vicodin addicts that end up with liver problems), she can be sure that she will never get her Vicodin a day early ever again. She'll have to bring me a goddamn travel itinerary to pull off that one again.
Let this be cautionary advice for anyone on long term opioid pain medication...
Pharmacists understand that your pain may increase in such a way that you would want to take more tablets than directed by your physician. If you work with us and your doctor by telling us that your pain is not being well controlled, we can help improve your medication regimen in hopes of getting better pain control. We know that not everyone who takes opioids is a drug addict. Hell, we know that the vast majority aren't addicts.
However, if you lie to us in order to get your pain medication filled early, whether you have a legitimate reason or not, you will go to the very top of our shit list. Well, at least you'll go to the very top of mine. I can empathize with people who really have pain issues. I can even empathize with people who have developed an addiction. If you're upfront about it with me, I will help you. If you lie to me, I'll hope you fucking die.
I can tolerate a lot of things in retail pharmacy, but I can't stand liars.