Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Hypothetical Situation

Let's say you're working at a job you don't particular like for not all that much money. An opportunity suddenly comes up where you can get a job you like that will pay more. The catch is that you have to relocate to halfway across the country in order to take that job.

Now, here's where it gets interesting. What if I told you that if you stayed in your current location, you'd meet someone truly amazing and fall madly in love? Therefore, the choice becomes move in order to get a potentially great job or stay in order to meet what could possibly be the love of your life. Which would you choose?

I'll step back and analyze the situation...

Say the job market for your particular skill set is very slim in your present location. It took you forever just to find your current job, and you only took the job because you really didn't have any other options. It's not something you envision yourself doing for the rest of your life. It was just a stepping stone to hopefully a better position. Therefore, when that opportunity to get that great job presents itself, you'd be doing yourself a disservice not to at least give it a shot. After all, you're presently single, and even though your friends and family are all in your current location, you're confident you can make new friends and connections when you move. Maybe you'll even meet someone very special there. Who knows?

While moving is a tough thing, at least on a theoretical basis, moving for the great job seems like the right thing to do in that situation. Therefore, let me complicate things a little...

Say that the whole situation with your current job is the same, but instead of meeting that amazing someone in the future, let's say you've already met him/her. The relationship is young (only a few months old), but the two of you really have something special together. You don't want to get ahead of yourself, but you feel like if you give the relationship a shot, it could end up being "the one."

Now that decision is much more complicated. You still hate your job. However, you now have something really tying you to your current location. You don't want your relationship to end, but at the same time, you don't know how much longer you can last at your present job before going crazy. You want to ask your significant other to move with you, but being that the relationship is only a few months old, you're unsure if that's a good idea. Moreover, he/she has a house, a great job, and basically has a pretty good thing going in the current location. How can you ask someone to uproot his/her life for you when you've only been dating them for a few months? In addition, maybe that job that you have to move halfway across the country for won't work out that well. Maybe it's not as good as it seems on paper. You'll kick yourself if you threw away the greatest relationship you ever had to chase a job that ultimately didn't work out.

What would you do in this situation? On one hand, you have the possibility of a great career. On the other hand, you have the opportunity for long lasting love. Neither is certain though.

How would you choose?


asdf said...

Regretting a lost opportunity for a career is a lot less painful than regretting a lost opportunity for love.

Elizabeth said...

You need to talk to her! If you want it to last treat her with the same honesty you would 20 years from know. Just be tactful about it. Good luck.

Pharmacy School student said...

Can you wait it out, get serious with the S/O, then relocate together?

Does the time with the SO overwrite the spending 8 hours of torment in a job you hate? I would personally work it out so that I could take the new job. Maybe after a couple years in the new job, you could come back for a even better job.

Anonymous said...

Why can't they have both? If they are both older, then why can't one person leave, and the other follow when they have found a new job?

Honestly, if they like each other enough, they can always try long distance.

Personally, I've left several relationships for school/work, and in each place, I've been happier, the relationship ended, and I've found a better person to be with.

Jeny said...

i've never thought that there was just one "the one". i would move and find someone there- but maybe that's just me being cynical (or really, i like to call it being realistic). haha

Anonymous said...

Henry Drummond - "You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."

Jobs come and go all the time. Great people who you connect with do not. Most people who choose work over relationships come to regret it.

was1 said...

So now let's say that the CEO of your current company is very old and sick and there is a chance that when he dies you will be tapped as his replacement. And just to complicate things he has a really hot daughter who thinks you're cute and she wants to take you to the Keys on her yacht. But to make it really interesting, her brother thinks you're cute too and he'll be going with you on the boat. And just in case you aren't confused enough already, the company is in the process of being bought out by Disneyland and they want to build a roller coaster in your mother's back yard.
So, you hate your current job but it could turn out to be the best thing in the world and free roller coaster rides any time you want. Or you might really like the new job but now you'll be investing your new higher salary in anal lube and putting up with unruly crowds at your mom's house.
Yeah... tough decision.

Anonymous said...

lol Was1, that was pretty funny.

pharmacy chick said...


You work to live, not live to work. Anonymous suggested Long Distance. Dont fall for it, it sucks..take it from personal experience. No man on his death bed ever said "I sure wish I worked more". Hypothetically you are having the time of your life with this girl. Pharmacy chick was engaged to Mr chick after 4 months. Go with your heart. Keep her involved! Talk to her! and if you decide to go, it better be with HER blessing or her stuff in the car too, with both of you on board both physically and emotionally. Its just a job. A great job can suck if you are alone and a terrible job can be manageable when you have a great person in your life.

Anonymous said...


Each of these comments is entirely accurate - FOR THAT INDIVIDUAL!

I'm on the end of my pharmacy career - if I can make it 5 more years & stay alive & sane, then I'm done.

The Henry Drummond quote was so true. I look back on my life, both professional & personal and I see only the personal. I was of the famous 70's era when I had & used my education, creativity, cutting edge research translating into patient care and physicians came to us for help with treatments that weren't commercially available. We were unhindered by restrictions, protocols or standing orders since we wrote those as we went along.

It was a heady time professionally. But..the faces fade, the medical situations become replaced with different ones and they are dim memories.

Everyday though, I wake beside the man I chose 34 years ago and we wonder what our kids are doing. They're successful adults - just like us.

Our measure of success - happiness. We raised two happy children who found spouses who they can share their happiness with. For us its irrelevant what they chose to do in life as long as they were the ones to make the choice. That doesn't mean I'm happy with my job - I HATE it, but I'm happy with my life. There's a difference.

How do you measure success now? Will it change when you're 55? What would you want to teach your children about being successful? There is no one right answer - only one right answer for you and you may change it as circumstances change.

When you can answer those questions - for yourself only, then you'll have the answer to what to do now.

I'll throw one last question into the mix: If that small nagging headache that occurs every afternoon about 3PM actually turned out to be malignant, would that change anything?

Metaphorically, the psychological definition of perspective is.......wisdom.

Anonymous said...

Once there's a meeting of the minds, working together to solve and overcome all obstacles together helps cements commitment.

Street Philosopher said...

You obviously know what the weight of each choice means to you. Go with your gut...something I've only done a few times in my life.

Don't choose the fear of being alone over what might be right for yourself. And if this person is actually something ridiculously special, no one can make that choice for you. But I have to say, I've never regretted ending a relationship and replacing it with a friendship so I could do what I know in my heart and gut what was right.

Either way, rock on man.

The Redheaded Pharmacist said...

First I must say that there is no way in hell I would ever choose a job over a healthy relationship. Jobs come and go and there will always be work to do in this world but finding someone to navigate thought this crazy world and all of its struggles and trials is truely a difficult task.
I pursued a relationship that moved me thousands of miles away from my home and family. I thought she was worth the incredible risk I was talking by getting out of my comfort zone and moving from where I lived in the southeast to the pacific northwest. My family and friends probably thought I had lost it and needed to be medicated! We lived together and even got married. I was three time zones away from everyone I loved and cared about, except her. It didn't work out in the end and we were divorced within a year. Do I regret it? HELL NO. I'd do it all over again. Why? Because it would eat at me for the rest of my life if I didn't take that chance and wondered what could have been! Love is always a risky proposition. You have to open yourself up and be vulnerable and show you true colors to fall in love.

Finding a job that you enjoy takes some time and can be a challenge but it is not nearly as difficult as finding that one person to share your life with and spend your days loving each other. Finding the love of your life can take a lifetime. I know, I'm still searching. Do yourself a favor, put what is really important in your life first and let everything else fall into place like it usually does when you've sorted out the big stuff.

WarmSocks said...

My husband and I discussed what we wanted - hypothetically - in a marriage partner on our second date. Four months later we were engaged, and married three months later. That was nearly 23 years ago. You're not a teenager anymore. Adults can discuss things honestly without scaring the other person away.