I feel like I have nothing to write about these days. I don't get mad at things like I used to. For most of my time as a pharmacist, I'd come home from work ready to boil over in rage over the way some idiot customer acted or some stupid policy management implemented. Venting on this blog was necessary for keeping my sanity. I needed it as an outlet for my pent up frustrations.
A little side story... I originally called myself The Frustrated Pharmacist. Those of you who have actually clicked on my profile (and there isn't very much of one) have seen a remnant of that original title where it says "frustrated about almost every detail of my life." At the time, The Frustrated Pharmacist was probably the best description of myself. It really seemed like I had these annoying little problems that made every aspect of my life a lot harder than it should have been.
After only a few posts, I decided I didn't like being "The Frustrated Pharmacist," and I eventually settled on Pharmacy Mike. It seemed like every pharmacist blogger out there was "The (insert adjective here) Pharmacist." I didn't want to be looked at as being unoriginal, so I went with the very "original" (your sarcasm detector should be going off) Pharmacy Mike. I actually would have preferred to be "Pharmaceutical Mike" because that's what several of my friends called me in college. They always had some name for me like that. During my freshman year when I was acing organic chemistry, they called me Organic Mike. It was pretty embarrassing actually because several girls in our dorm would constantly call me Organic Mike.
I suppose it could have been worse. I could have been Asshole Mike or Horrible Body Odor Mike. I guess being known for being smart isn't a bad thing.
Anyway... I didn't want to use Pharmaceutical Mike because I felt like the word pharmaceutical pertains more to those in the research, development, or sale of pharmaceuticals. The word pharmacy relates more to a pharmacists overall job than pharmaceutical does. Thus, I stuck with Pharmacy Mike.
To tie this back to my original point, I'm glad I didn't stick with The Frustrated Pharmacist because it's no longer a good description. I mean, I still get frustrated from time to time, but for the most part, I feel pretty calm. I can't remember the last time a customer really got under my skin. I haven't even been close to losing my cool in a long time. Few things upset me anymore. Medicaid customer bringing in 10 prescriptions a piece for each of his 10 family members. Whatever. Customer screaming over his 3rd tier copay even though he paid the same amount for the previous 3 months. No big deal. Another coupon for a $20 gift card. Have fun shopping.
Things just don't get to me like they used to, and I'm not just talking about pharmacy. I see The Angry Pharmacist and The Angriest Pharmacist still hilariously ripping people new ones. Drug Monkey is still out there exposing corporate bullshit and slicing through conservative political rhetoric. I love their sites, and I hope they never stop doing what they're doing. I, on the other hand, have a hard time getting mad at the same kind of things over and over again.
Maybe I'm just in a better place mentally than I have been in the last few years. I've reached a point of acceptance. For maybe the first time in my life, I've decided that I'm OK with who I am. While I can't say I don't wish some things were different, I no longer beat myself up over my past mistakes. I used to be this tightly wound ball of emotions that I barely had control over. I'd keep everything all pent up inside until it exploded out into some expletive laced tirade at work or a depressing blog post about the one that got away.
Now, all that emotional turmoil has been replaced by a calm acceptance of everything that happened and everything I am. I wouldn't say it's a happy feeling exactly. Just calm and peaceful and grateful for what I have. I feel lucky to be who I am. It's hard to be mad when I see the things other people have to deal with.
For the most part, I have it pretty good. Things could certainly be a whole lot worse... I could be one of those customers that The Angry Pharmacist so eloquently rants about.
Therefore, if you're wondering why my blog posts have been sporadic at best, it's because I don't have the same inspiration to write that I had in the past. My best writing comes when I'm at an emotional extreme. Most of my blog posts are when I'm really mad or really down or really happy... ummm... scratch that last one. I don't think I've written a post when I'm happy. You get the idea though. I write best when I can put my heart into it. The words just seem to flow when you really care about what you're writing. Unfortunately, a side effect to feeling calm is that I'm less prone to the kind of emotional outbursts that lead to good blog posts.
Fear not though... I think I'll have plenty to write about when I finally close on my condo and prepare to move in.