Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Observations on the Olympics

I haven't posted in a while. Frankly, I don't have much to write about. I've been busy living life to the fullest (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA). No seriously... I've been pretty active recently, so no time or material for the blog. Not that anyone really cares anyway...

I've been watching the Olympics pretty much non-stop for the past couple of weeks, and I have a few observations I'd like to share with you.

First in women's beach volleyball: I got a kick out of their being cheerleaders for women's beach volleyball games. The cheerleaders were were wearing bikinis, and they still had more clothing on than the girls actually playing volleyball. This is another sport that makes an interesting statement about women. Men beach volleyball players have full uniforms (shorts and sleeveless t-shirts). Women beach volleyball players wear tiny bikini bottoms and basically a sports bra. Is there any particular reason these women can't wear shorts? Is it really more comfortable to dive around in sand in a bikini than it is with more clothing on? Of course, the scantily clad (incredibly tall) women are what draw in the viewers.

On the subject of volleyball: I'm convinced that Lebron James would be the greatest volleyball player in history if he ever tried playing. Really... He'd be unstoppable. He's 6'8", jumps incredibly high, and has great quickness in speed. Plus, he's very strong, so one of his spikes would probably be about 90 mph. I dare anyone to get in the way of one of those bullet spikes. How would anyone be able to spike it over or through him? He could get so high that he could practically block or spike the ball with his head. I'm telling you, he'd be the greatest of all time.

Moreover, I'm convinced that if you took the USA men's basketball team and put them on a volleyball court with only about a week to practice, they'd be competitive. Give them a year to practice, and they'd win a gold medal in the sport. Could you imagine that team? Lebron James (6'8"), Kobe Bryant (6'6"), Dwight Howard (6'11"), Chris Bosh (6'10")... All of them are quick and can jump. You could even add Jason Kidd (6'4") to give them all perfect sets to spike the ball. Honestly... Would you bet against that team? Too bad professional volleyball players can't make $15 million per year. Watching those guys dominate volleyball might actually be more fun than watching them play basketball.

Finally, by societal norms I'm obligated to say something about The Golden Boy, Michael Phelps. By now, we've all been convinced that Phelps isn't actually human, but instead a perfectly engineered swimming cyborg. I'll spare you more talk about how great he is (is there anything left to say???). I just want to mention this new term that is being used to describe amazing athletic achievements: Phelpsian. Yesterday, the USA women's volleyball team won their 107th straight match, and the announcer described that accomplishment as Phelpsian.

My prediction... If it hasn't already happened, we're going to get pretty sick of hearing about Michael Phelps. By now, we all know what's on his MP3 player, what and how much he eats every day, how many days per week he trains, how many hours each day he trains, and I'm sure someone somewhere has the schedule which outlines exactly when he can take a shit. Remember folks... This is swimming here. Three weeks ago, no one cared about swimming. Three weeks from now, no one is going to care about swimming... until the 2012 games when the golden cyborg decides to swim for 10 gold medals. Then the hysteria will start again. Let's just give the kid's name a little bit of a break for now so that when he does come into the national spotlight again 4 years from now, we all won't be sick of hearing about him.

I'm currently in the middle of a week off from work, and I'm enjoying my free time immensely. Maybe when I get back to the source of frustration that I call a job, I'll have more to write about.


Anonymous said...

About the woman's volleyball. Forget the T & A, have you checked out the abs on these chicks?

Frantic Pharmacist said...

That's the first thing that came to my mind when I saw the women's volleyball -- do they HAVE to wear bikinis? Kind of sexist, if you ask me. I also can't get into the idea of multimillionaire NBA (or tennis) stars playing in the Olympics. It ought to be a venue for amateur athletes, but I guess they probably don't exist anymore... I also can't help thinking how many lives could be saved with the money from just one of those fireworks displays.