First date

So, I'm meeting eHarmony girl today for dinner and a movie. Actually, we're a movie then dinner, which seems a little odd to me, but I suppose watching the movie first will give us something to talk about during dinner. In any case, it was her idea, not mine, so whatever...

I've been talking to this girl for a couple months now. We get along really well on the phone. It's taken so long for me to actually meet her because for one, I'm nervous about it. Remember, I'm generally a shy, quiet guy. Plus, I write better than I talk, so I'm always a little nervous about how I come across in person, especially if I've never met the person before. Secondly, our schedules just never seem to sync up. Whenever I have to work, she's off, and vice versa.

Here's the thing though... I don't know how many people have tried the whole internet dating thing. I have to admit, even as I'm taking part in it, I'm a little skeptical about it. Nevertheless, I'm attempting it due to lack of other options. Anyway... We've been talking for a couple months. Everything has been great. We have a lot of things in common. We never run out of things to say. Then, we set that time for our first date, and all of a sudden everything feels a little uneasy. The last couple times I talked to her, I got a different vibe. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just doesn't seem like she's all that interested in a date, even though we both made it clear that we wanted to meet each other... soon.

That is one of my worries about online dating. You talk to the person. You develop a certain rapport. In doing so, an idea of the person forms in your mind. You put a voice and personality to the spoken words. You see a few images of the person and develop an idea of what they look like. However, when you finally meet, the person just will not be exactly like you were expecting. She'll look a little different. Her mannerisms won't be the way you envisioned, and whatever chemistry you had online or over the phone just won't be the same.

I have to admit that I worry about this because I know that I'm just different in person than I am on the phone or in writing. When I write, I'm generally grammatically correct. I can be eloquent. I command a fairly decent vocabulary. Plus, with that trusty backspace key, I can take back something I wrote, and replace it with something that sounds better.

There's no backspace key in real life. When you say something, you can't take it back. I have a habit of jumbling words and mispronouncing things even when I know the correct way to pronounce them. I also don't have the most expressive voice in the world. I tend to speak in a monotone, which is something I just can't help. However, it makes me sound boring and sometimes disinterested.

My hands also shake when I'm nervous, so I can be a little clumsy. As a side note, this works to my advantage in poker because my hands shake and I breathe a little heavier whether I have a good hand or a bad hand. I actually find it a bit comical how clumsy I can come across, especially when you consider some of the dexterity drills I can perform flawlessly with a basketball. Hell, I can spin a basketball on any finger of either hand and keep it spinning until my arm caves in, but I have a hard time getting my credit card out of my wallet without dropping it.

With all this rambling, I'm trying to talk through my own anxiety. I've gone on a few dates since the break up, but they were really to kind of test the water. I didn't really care if they went well or not. I just went out with them for something to do. With this girl, I want this to go well. I like her. I know that seems odd to say about someone who you've never really met face to face, but it's true. I just don't want to get disappointed.

I guess I'll find out tonight. Either way, I'll probably write my impressions later.